You made me fight for you every second, of every minute, of every day, since the moment I found out I was pregnant, right up until you took your first breath. You have been a echoing in my heart since the day you first gasped for air, placed by my head and you looked into my tearful eyes and as I gently stroked your beautiful face with my finger.
Even though I am not the perfect mother, I make mistakes every day, I have always tried to give you the best, in every way. You taught me to trust you as you explored your world. You taught me how to let go of a messy house once in a while. You taught me that being present with you is far better than trying to juggle too much at once.
For you have altered me, you have made me enormous with all I contain now: the love, the fear, the wonder, the pride. You have blown out the walls and torn off the roof of who I was before you, and left an openness that is vulnerable, fierce, and free. Thank God for you, a force of nature, a force of love.
And as you grow into a little girl, your sarcastic eye-brow raise will soon be ever-more perfected, you’ll figure out how to cartwheel, and you’ll learn new words. New things will make you laugh…and cry.
You are so beautifully uncomplicated. You were the piece of me I didn’t know was missing, all along. You make me want to be better and do better, not only as a mother, but as a woman. I know that you are destined for great things, no matter which path you choose in life.
On your first birthday, I wish for you that you keep your sweet disposition, your ease of smile, your curiosity and your watchfulness. I wish for you that you see around you examples of strong, smart, thoughtful, kind, loving people. I wish for me that you stay small enough to curl into my arms before bed for just a little while longer, your hair still damp from a bath, your chubby little fingers wrapped around mine. Let’s just pause, here, now…for a little while, or forever…but I guess all I can truly ask is that you walk slowly and hold my hand.
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